Hello all,

Long time no speak…

I’m aware it’s been a while since I last posted a blog. I suppose I was just coasting through my prep, one day at a time, too busy to give anything much thought. I didn’t have the time or inclination to write anything down. I needed to get shit done so to speak.

I’m 2 weeks away from show, and as this is my toughest week yet I felt it right to talk about what’s going on with me.

Throughout the past 14 weeks I’ve obviously had lulls and days when I’ve been tired but nothing quite like this. I knew it would come but I don’t think I was fully prepared for just how low I might feel.

Those who know me, know I pride myself on my positivity, strength and optimism. Right now, all three are escaping me rapidly. I am exhausted. Physically and mentally. I am emotional and yes, I have to admit, little miss sunshine is feeling irritable.

I’ve been frustrated that people don’t get it and have at times wanted to run away and hibernate from everyone and everything . Offering me ‘just a little taste’of this and that, or telling me i should take a day off. That’s just not how it works.

I’m now nit picking daily, and can only see flaws when i look in the mirror. The queen of positivity is only focussing on the negatives.

I think in general, people don’t understand the psychological and emotional implications that changes in diet and training can have on a person. We use carbs to power our brains. When they reduce, so does our mental capacity.

My fuse is short and I’ve felt like i’m drowning. That’s my issue. I work with women who need my support, at times allot of it, and I chose to compete alongside running the business. Perhaps that’s something I need to think about in the future.

Right now all I know is that I have 15 days left on this road. That’s daunting in so many ways. I’m scared my mood will continue to plummet. I’m worried I’m not going to be ready. I’m critiquing myself in high definition and i’m feeling a massive,overbearing sense of pressure.It’s the nature of the beast.

I have even questioned just how honest I should be with you all. Should I pretend that I’m some sort of super human who never falters?

So there it is. The harsh reality of my current situation. A result of a diet that although not dangerous in the short term, is restrictive. A training plan that leaves me physically exhausted. A career that I love but that leaves little room for time to just breathe.

So what’s the plan now?

To keep putting one foot in front of the other. To make myself and those who’ve supported me proud. To stand on stage knowing I did everything I could.

So now for the upbeat ending. I think it’s referred to as a shit sandwich?

My gratitude.

This prep has only reconfirmed how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many loyal and supportive people. In testing times like these you find out who really and truly has your back. I will remember it always.

So to David. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, drying my eyes and watching me pose night after night. Thank you for eating sweets in the kitchen so I don’t have to see them, tanning my back and for joining me for cardio, even though you detest it.

Thank you to Steph. My best friend. You never needed to prove it but have done so over and over again, checking in every single day and sending nothing but love and positive vibes.

To my mum. Who doesn’t understand it and thinks I’m too thin but is in my corner anyway and will without doubt be the strongest voice in the crowd.

I am eternally grateful and promise to make you proud.

To those who attend my bootcamps, post a positive comment or even like a status. Thankyou.

Peace and love,

Becks xx

The naked truth

Hello ladies,

As promised, yet again  I’ve cobbled some of my thoughts and feelings together and called it a blog.

I’m  7 weeks in to show prep now and feeling good. My energy levels are soaring thanks to good clean eating and early morning training sessions and I’m starting to see the physical results that I’m working so hard for.

Time continues to march on and my days all seem to blend into one at the moment. Things have quite quickly developed into a military style operation. My training is structured, as is my diet, and I now have the day job and business working hand in hand. Prep life is running like a fine Swiss watch!

It has to, to be successful you have to find a way to make it work. No excuses.

The thoughts and feelings bit…

I feel I’m basking in a sea of peace and tranquillity at the moment, after battling with intense self-critique around the 4 week mark. It’s nice to finally be able to chill and enjoy the journey.

I believe I’ve mentioned previously that I’m without doubt my own worst critic and knew that the pick, pick, picking would creep in at some point throughout this process. The fact it happened so early on in the game was not something that I expected and was anything but welcome.

I’m over it, and will go on to explain why, but it’s important for women reading this to know that no matter how one may appear on the outside, we all have our insecurities. We often forget this when living in high definition.

There’s a sentence that I’ve kept in the forefront of my mind throughout all of this – ‘out train them’. It means that when other girls stop because their tired, you carry on and push through that pain barrier. It’s what will set you apart in the end. When your head starts to tell you that you’re tired, refuse to accept it and your body will follow suit.

I tell my girls often that it’s essential to control your mind before it controls you, in all aspects of life, especially in the gym or in their case at boot camp. I believe this with every ounce of my being and I think they are starting to believe it too.

It haunts me in a way, as at times I’ve had to put other things first. Work, family, friends, clients. I refuse to jeopardise important relationships and opportunities for completely selfish gain, which ultimately leads to me feeling like I could have and should have worked harder. I will never be perfect.

Check Point

So 3 weeks ago, with what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders and a head full of white noise, I attended my first check in with my coach and mentor Heather Schofield.

When I’m on that stage in June I don’t have to win, or even place. I just need to know that I’m bringing the very best version of myself. I need to know that I’m on track and I need to know that I can achieve my goals. To achieve my long term goals, I have to meet my short term milestones. In my eyes, my first check in was a critical milestone.

At this point I’d like to take a moment to make something abundantly clear. If I don’t achieve my goals, that’s’ 100% on me. If you blame your trainer, your coach, your diet, you’re deluding yourself.

Heather provides a diet, training plans and guidance. Kade trains me twice a week. For the remaining 99% of the time, the buck stops with me.

So back to my check in!

Heather is an IFB world pro in this sport. Someone I look up to and admire immensely. Her focus and determination inspire me and her take on all things fitness gives me clarity. She has a calm disposition, that as strange as it might sound soothes me and quietens my critical demons.

I turned up to our meeting with my head down and immediately started to list off my flaws. I’d been anxious for days in the run up and just needed to tell her that my bum isn’t good enough, that I’m carrying a lot of fat around my lower back, that I should have been doing more cardio and that I was hormonal and feeling a little overwhelmed.

I stripped off to be judged. There’s no other way of putting it. Constructive criticism yes, but criticism all the same.

I’m sure the majority of women reading this would agree that they’d rather chew glass then stand in their knicks and say ‘come on then, what are my worst bits?’. It’s vulnerability in its most raw form.

She told me  I’m ‘OK’. To be reassured that I’m on track and that I’m doing the best I can allowed me to breathe. No matter who else chips in with compliments or positivity, it’s this lady that I trust over anyone to tell me how it really is.

Perhaps it’s not sensible to invest so much trust in someone that I barely know, but I have to believe that I have the very best team in my corner. My belief in Heather only strengthens my belief in myself. Does that even make sense? Who knows but it feels right.

We spent a couple of hours together, training and discussing pretty much anything and everything. I left her feeling absolutely transparent. When I say transparent I mean that I experienced complete clarity. I could see exactly where I’d been going wrong and what I need to do to improve. I have a vision and a plan which will drive me forward until the next time.

The plan for the immediate future is to continue to get in the gym as much as possible, focussing on my weaknesses, without neglecting the overall package.

During my check in it became apparent that after lots of leg work, my quads are now dominating my workouts. I need my glutes to up their game and take the strain during training, so it’s time to pull back and concentrate on booty!

I’ll adjust my workout programme, change up my cardio and just keep chipping away, making improvements.

Growth is what spurs me, in every sense of the word.  My mantra in life is to live, to learn and to grow, and that’s what I intend to do.

So here’s to the next 5 weeks, after which I’ll be taking some much needed time off, heading to far eastern paradise.

I won’t be taking time out from training while I’m there, and have already scoped out every possible gym and outdoor training opportunity within a 5 mile radius of our accommodation (which Mr Salisbury is thrilled about), but I’ll also be taking time to gather my thoughts, reconnect and prepare myself for the final 12 weeks of this journey.

Between now and then I plan to give it everything I’ve got. No excuses. No days off.

I find this approach makes me appreciate the little things in life, like a lie in every few weeks, food with flavour, or spending quality time with the people I love. Too often do we become complacent and take people and possessions for granted. The restrictions of prep really allow me to take stock and reflect.

There’s a lot to look forward to. Every day is a blessing. I am doing the thing that sets my soul on fire and I am grateful.

Me, myself and my non-existent ego

Hello Ladies

Welcome to the second instalment of prep life.

If you’re reading this because you’re interested in competing, what I get up to in general, or just want to stick your beak in, all are completely acceptable and warmly welcome.

I greatly appreciate the feedback received from my previous post.
It was heart-warming and a little humbling to receive so many affirmations of positivity from women, and men too actually, who plan to follow my journey and have wished me well.

So, peace, love and niceties aside, let’s get down to business and talk PREP.

I’m one month in and I’ve now officially registered for UKBFF in June, with intentions to compete in Bikini Fitness. It’s new to me. A new federation and a new outlook.

Not only am I in this for the experience this time around, but I’m in it to be the very best version of myself that I can.

For me, as you all now know, last year was about healing. This year I plan to apply everything that I’ve learned in life and fitness and not only improve on, but eclipse what I’ve achieved previously. This is not about a medal or a trophy, it’s about knowing that I gave it my absolute all and looked in the best shape possible for me, with the time, knowledge and support available.

There may be 10 girls up there who’s best is better than mine on the day and I’m ok with that, as long as it genuinely and honestly is my best for comparison.

With just under 20 weeks until show day, I’m feeling positive, which is how I feel the majority of the time to be honest. By positive I don’t necessarily mean confident or self-assured, just positive.

I’ve been carb cycling for 4 weeks, with the end goal being lean muscle gain and body fat reduction and have been training, A LOT.

As I explain to my girls whenever we chat, my current diet isn’t one that I’d recommend to the average woman looking to shape up and feel fabulous. It’s extreme because my end goal is extreme.

The majority of the year, when not competing, I’m a flexible dieter, as are my girls. I am aware of my macros and I have a little bit of what I fancy when I fancy it. I don’t look stage ready all year round, as it is neither realistic nor achievable, and would in fact be detrimental to my health. But I don’t step off stage, gorge and end up 4 stone heavier either. To me, balance and moderation is key.

To be clear, when I refer to my current diet as ‘extreme’ I don’t mean unhealthy. That would go against everything that I believe in.
By extreme, I simply mean it’s incredibly structured and well, quite frankly restrictive.

To explain a little further for those who are still with us, carb cycling involves low, moderate and high carbohydrate days, grammages, percentages and a lot of preparation. Can I nip out for lunch or go for a spur of the moment meal mid-week? Nope. Does this bother me? Not particularly.

I can’t pretend that it’s all smooth sailing. It’s tough to maintain absolute structure with a demanding day job and a business to run; I’m shattered, limited for time and often feel guilty that other things in my life are temporarily taking a back seat BUT there’s always a way. I never make excuses. There are no acceptable excuses to make.

Drive and determination are what sets a successful person apart from the crowd in my opinion. The mind gives in long before the body.

The Ugly Truth

So off on a slight tangent, something I’ve struggled to come to terms with since stepping into this environment is ego. Don’t misinterpret, I have met dozens of fitness professionals who are about so much more than the outer shell, but also, as you can imagine, I have come into contact with a number, who very much like the sight of their own reflection and have as much depth as a tea stain.

Why am I going there? Because I’d be lying if I tried to tell you that it isn’t about aesthetics, as quite obviously competitors on stage are judged on how they look.

It was something that made me uncomfortable at first but since involving myself in this environment, and meeting a number of wonderful ‘physically beautiful’ people, who also have depth, warmth, passion and intelligence, I’ve become aware that ‘looking good’ and body confidence does not automatically equate to ego.

That’s something Freudian i.e. perhaps mum didn’t cuddle him enough as a kid.

Results

So, in terms of results, my belief regarding the irrelevance of scales and weight has been confirmed. I tell my girls that numbers on a little square of doom are not important, and that we should judge our progress based on how we feel in and out of our clothes, which in metrics converts to inches lost.

My weight hasn’t altered much at all; my inches have reduced quite dramatically. My bum is slowly getting bigger and my waist is nipping in, which for my category is exactly what I’m looking for. I’ve been complimented on my ‘booty gains’ and the width of my back has been commented on. Both of which I’m happy to take!

I still have a long way to go. I am working hard to improve detail on my hamstrings, glutes and back, as these are the two areas I feel need the most work, but I’m confident in my own abilities and am grateful for the support of my coach, Heather Schofield and my Personal Trainer, Kade Kendall.

With my schedule the way it is, both of them help me to remain focussed and have already supported me immensely. I am not only stronger in the gym but smarter.

In terms of mood, it’s been balanced overall. I’m not really a temper tantrum, sulky type, however, I’ve had days when I feel physically tired and perhaps I’ve cried at the odd RSPCA advert. Other than that I’m just steady Eddie over here.

I hope for those interested, that this post has given you a slight insight into what is involved in competition prep. It’s still early stages, so things will get harder, and I’m ready for that, but for now it’s pretty much sunshine and rainbows.

To summarise, I suppose I want to say that I know a number of people will think what’s the point? What do you get out of it? But I’m ok with that.

Whatever road you’re walking, no matter your destination, do your thing, do it with passion and remember it’s your journey. You’re the only one who needs to understand the map!

Feel the fear and do it anyway – my path to the stage

Hello girls,

As mentioned previously, I’ve decided to keep a diary of my preparation for stage, not only to track my progress and document how I’m thinking and feeling, but as a way of sharing my journey and the challenges I may well face along the way, with anyone who’s interested that is.

If you’re not interested, avert your eyes, you don’t have to read on, it’s not compulsory.

I can’t promise a gripper or a page turner but I can guarantee you’ll receive an open and honest account.

Although I have no problem at all finding the good in others, unfortunately I’m extremely self-critical. This is something I’m actively working towards improving, but I imagine this may pop up from time to time along the way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means self-loathing and can confirm that I have as positive a body image as any young(ish) woman could expect to have, but I’m always striving to do better and pushing myself to improve, which at times can be both physically and emotionally draining. Am I happy in life? Most definitely. Am I fully satisfied? Never.

Like anyone I have self-doubt, I have days when I question my direction, and throughout my last prep I definitely had days where I stopped and questioned pretty much everything.

When you’re working full time, supporting dozens of women on their journeys towards health and fitness, running a home and trying to spend time with your husband and friends, sometimes the pressure gets a little too much.

So why do I do it? Why do I choose to put myself through it?

Would you believe me if I told you that I never set out on this journey with winning in mind? That I did it as a way of seeing just how far I could push myself and what I could achieve?

Whether you believe it or not, it’s a fact.

The truth is, I am not a naturally competitive person. I have never seen what somebody else has or does and used it as my driving force to do better. Have I been envious of others? Of course, but that’s not what drives me. As corny as it sounds, my only competition in this life is with myself. Am I the very best version of me? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally?

As a child I was a high achiever. I worked hard academically and remember suffering with crippling anxiety as early as 10 years old, feeling an immense pressure to succeed. The pressure came only from myself. It’s something that’s built into my DNA and in competing; I’ve found a way to channel that.

I achieved third place in my first competition. I was thrilled with that result, but even before names were called I felt an immense sense of pride.

I’d stuck to my prep, I’d pushed myself to my absolute limits in the gym, and I’d made my family proud.

Only those close to me are aware of the battles I faced in the lead up to that competition. I used the preparation as therapy, as I needed a focus to distract me from what was a particularly dark time in my life.

The day I stepped on stage and could see my mother, husband, sister and dearest friends in the crowd, I knew, and they knew, that I’d found my way back. As theatrical as it sounds, that show and the journey leading towards it brought me back to life.

I don’t dwell on the past. I’m extremely grateful for my present and excited for the future, however, I feel it’s important to set the scene. To give you an understanding of why I set out on this journey and why I continue to walk it.

I’m a firm believer in learning from every experience we face in life, whether negative or positive. My mantra is to live, learn and most importantly grow.

I once read a quote that stuck with me. It said that our dreams are as hungry as our demons and to make sure that we are feeding the right ones. I chose to feed and follow my dreams.